


let's use our words like people do (maybe our bodies too)

by KayNight



Series: never stopped loving you [7]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Character Study, Communication, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Porn With Plot, Possessive Sex, Post-Canon, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23708113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: “Jealousy is the envy of what another has. They had... they had your affection the way I had not had in years... I was so jealous I was choking on it. Jealousy is an ugly thing, Felix. Tonight I was not jealous... that man had nothing of you, not your interest nor your affection. That is undoubtable. I suppose now that you consider yourself mine, I consider myself yours... I enjoy... making that... clear.”“So you’re possessive.”“No! No - you are not a possession, no human is a possession, but the reminder of what we have sworn - ““ - you like shoving it in other people’s faces. You like showing it off - ”“Felix, that is not - ““- you aren’t jealous... you want them to be jealous. You want them to be jealous the way you once were.”Or, a study of dimilix communication (verbal & physical) post-game, with the case of jealousy.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Series: never stopped loving you [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1500308
Comments: 16
Kudos: 137





	let's use our words like people do (maybe our bodies too)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @crowquettes on twitter! Thank you Crow!!
> 
> I think this was supposed to be 2K jealous!dimitri pwp. However, I am me. I hope you enjoy.

“You come here often?”

Felix snorted into his beer. He pitied the poor fucker who was getting hit on in some backwater Galatea inn. After Gloucester and maybe like Aegir or something, Galatea was probably the last place Felix would ever want to get hit on. Not that he had much experience. Few people were that stupid. 

“You need any help polishing your sword, gorgeous?” 

Felix choked on his drink. Wait. This asshole was talking to  _ him? _ Felix was the poor fucker in this situation? Someone was that stupid - ? 

Felix looked up from his beer with a mixture of disgust and bemusement. What part of Felix wearing two swords, blood splattered across his tunic and dirt on his face, and not having said one word since entering the bar made this guy think  _ oh yeah here’s a guy who’ll enjoy my pick up lines? _

Felix was ready to give the man a piece of his mind and perhaps a taste of his fist, when a hooded figure made himself at home between them at the bar. 

Then there was a warm hand caressing Felix’s cheek, and another threading fingers through his ponytail, holding him still. Dry, chapped lips pressed against his, moving in sync with the hand on his cheek to tilt Felix’s head just so, to hold him how the owner wanted. A tongue teased the seam of Felix’s lips and dipped in for a taste, making Felix instinctively hum with pleasure. It was a quick affair, but an affair nonetheless - certainly more roguish than Dimitri’s usual public greetings for Felix, even with their identities concealed as they were. 

They’d paid Ingrid an unplanned visit for a brief weekend while they were in Fhirdiad for the month, and had handled some bandits on the way back. Three years out from the war and unrest exists still, though such times are becoming fewer and far between in Faerghus. Adrestia was another matter entirely. Establishing the new capital of Fodlan at Garreg Mach made it easier logistically to manage each territory, but only marginally less exhausting. 

They had a day’s ride left in the journey, finding a suitable enough inn along their route to spend the night. Dimitri had gone to arrange their rooms, and Felix had gone to quench his thirst after the ride and, apparently, to be accosted, which did not go unnoticed by Dimitri upon his return. 

“Did you wait long?” The question is casual, but Dimitri’s tone of voice was anything but. A low rumble that used to set Felix on edge several years ago now did the exact opposite. Warmth seeped under his skin and settled into his bones, and the bar suddenly felt terribly intimate and overheated. Despite his undeniable enjoyment of such a greeting, Felix could not help the scowl that swept across his face at the spectacle of it.

Dimitri was a gentle lover more often than not, except when he was consumed by his own desire… and Felix’s, to the point where he covered Felix ’s body in his marks and left him walking like a fool, with every errant glance sent in his lover’s direction feeling like a scorching brand. 

Apparently Dimitri does not take kindly to his lover being propositioned - and had taken it upon himself to… to… do what? Assert his ownership? Felix bristled. Was Dimitri really still so insecure in their relationship after a year to think some random merchant in a bar —

“The room is ready, my love,” Dimitri said, softer now, his assertiveness left only in his choice of endearments as he backed away from the bar. He did not give the elephant in the room - who had wisely buried his face in his mug - even a passing glance, tossing a couple of coins on the counter for Felix’s beer. 

Whatever. They’d talk about whatever  _ that _ was later. Felix needed a fucking bath. 

* * *

“I didn’t realize that jealousy was one of your vices, Dimitri.” 

Dimitri froze while pulling on his sleep pants, mouth sliding into a frown. Felix ignored his reflexive desire to smile at Dimitri’s ridiculous pose, balanced on one clothed leg with the other bare. 

Dimitri shook his head dismissively before responding, “Jealousy…? That was not - that was not jealousy,” his tone was uncomfortable, evasive, and he busied himself with pulling his pants on with more attention than they required. 

Felix was not impressed, nor was he convinced. He raised an eyebrow at Dimitri once the man’s attention returned to him, but Dimitri’s face lacked the guilt or shame he had expected. Instead it looked almost unsettled, gaze distant. 

Felix shifted his weight on the bed and braced himself, subconsciously fisting one hand in the thin blanket. He had expected to deliver a chastisement, more teasing than serious - but as was the norm for their relationship, there was more to every exchange. Always more. 

Sometimes Felix grew weary of it all… but it was worth it, he reminded himself, time and time again their relationship had proven to be worth it. He just…needed to get through this. 

“I know what jealousy feels like and that was not… Back then I was jealous. Not now.”

Felix instinctively scoffed at the denial, but then caught up with the past tense, with the admission dropped in front of him like an unwanted pet. His brow furrowed in confusion, not expecting  _ that _ to be whatever was behind Dimitri’s dissonant reaction. 

Never had Dimitri ever shown any hint of jealousy over him in their past - no, no that was Felix’s trademark more than anything else. He’d been jealous of almost anyone that spent more time with Dimitri than he did, whether it was the King or his own brother. Saints above, he’d gotten jealous of Dimitri’s damn pony he’d trained with everyday once he turned seven. Clearly he was misunderstanding whatever Dimitri was trying to get across. 

“Back then...?”

“At the Academy,”  _ the Academy? _ “I was jealous of... of, well, of almost everyone,” Dimitri laughed uneasily, not meeting Felix’s eyes. “Every easy smile you gave Annette, every time you let Sylvain put a hand on your shoulder...”

Felix’s jaw dropped. He blinked stupidly at Dimitri as his thoughts tripped over themselves to keep up with this revelation. The Academy? When all Felix did was his best to eradicate any good will remaining between them after over a decade of friendship? He was bogged down by the inconceivable concept of Dimitri at seventeen - long legged, big eyed, golden hair always in his face, soft smile that made it feel like someone was taking an ice scraper to the inside of Felix’s ribs - being  _ jealous _ . 

The knowledge of  _ that _ Dimitri letting his gaze linger too long when Felix of then indulged his peers in the tamest exchanges of affection would have made him furious, outraged, disgusted. Lost, scared, and  _ confused _ . Back then, he would not have understood why the beast longed for something that he'd snatched away from them with his own hands. Felix had long considered himself a scholar of his shortcomings just as Dimitri was of his, but this was never one that would have crossed his mind. 

Felix of now was just stuck, unable to process. Dimitri continued on, his words a waterfall of information but none of it clicked, none of it ever clicked - it was so hard to  _ keep up _ . 

“Jealousy is the envy of what another has. They had... they had your affection the way I had not had in years... I was so jealous I was choking on it. Jealousy is an ugly thing, Felix. Tonight I was not jealous... that man had nothing of you, not your interest nor your affection. That is undoubtable. I suppose I was just...”

Listening is important, Felix. Listen, reflect,  _ then _ react, Byleth’s voice in his head repeated. 

Felix ignored the first two, he would get back to them later. He couldn’t, he couldn’t even begin to - no, no it was impossible. So he latched on to the last sentiment, disregarding the significance of the rest, just as he had done for so many years. He was furious at himself even as he conveyed that ferocity as anger at DImitri, rather than himself: “Protective? I can protect myself.”

“As if I have ever doubted that.”

And then, in a very small voice, the final confession Dimitri had to share: “I suppose now that you... now you consider yourself mine, I consider myself yours... I enjoy... making that... clear.”

Ah.  _ Ah _ . So Dimitri’s so-called passions as Felix had thought of them, all of the times he’d left marks so that they’d be seen - 

There was so much he wanted to ask, so much he needed to claw back from the conversation, but as always he was stuck, fixated on just one fact of many that his attention had sunk its nails into and refused to let go. 

“So you’re possessive - ”

“No! No -” the denials are choked out, cheeks flushed red with shame “ - you are not a possession, no human is a possession, but the reminder of what we have sworn - “

and _ again -  _

“ - you like shoving it in other people’s faces. You like showing it off - ”

“Felix, that is not - “ 

and _ finally _ : “- you aren’t jealous... you want them to be jealous. You want them to be jealous the way you once were.”

The silence was abrupt, Dimitri’s spluttering caught off sharply in acknowledgement of the truth of Felix’s words. And now that the truth was out there, the heft of it had to be measured. 

Dimitri’s face had crumpled in guilt, and as each second passed his frown deepened, his shoulders tightened. After a minute, he took a seat on the edge of the bed beside Felix, staring at his hands rested limply in his lap. The gnarled burns on them gleamed pearlescent in the candlelight. 

In the silence, now that Dimitri had stopped himself, that they both had stopped themselves, the weight of the exchange hit Felix in full. The way it always did  _ after _ the fact. 

Truth of Dimitri’s actions aside, there were also Felix’s to consider. 

Ever since the Rebellion - no,  _ Duscur _ , it has been so hard to… to listen. It was hard to give credence to the words out of someone’s mouth when your sense of understanding of the world had been uprooted and burned in front of you. Moreso when they were one of the few that held the match, even if they hadn’t spilled the oil. 

Felix had sensed weakness, sensed a vulnerability of Dimitri’s, and as always, sunk his teeth into it. Felix never knew well enough to leave something alone, and had thus torn completely through what Dimitri had admitted to willingly - a part of himself that he had shared with Felix. Dimitri had been jealous at the Academy, as Felix had been, but rather than admit that, rather than meet Dimitri on even footing, Felix had taken them somewhere neither were ready to go. 

Felix seethed. Even after three years of working with the Professor, Felix still cannot hear what others say and speak what he means. The urge to externalize his anger, to lash out, clawed up his throat - 

Dimitri slipped his hand into Felix’s. His hands were so rough, the texture of his palm and fingers uneven with mangled flesh from the burns, callouses from endless hours of wielding quills and lances alike. Felix stilled. 

At least one of them had not forgotten their lessons.  _ Show even in a fight that you are trying, that your disagreement does not lessen your affection.  _

Shame roiled Felix’s stomach. Dimitri tried again. 

“For twelve years... I do not think I am fooling myself when I say I was... one of the most important people in your life. As were you to me.”

Felix breathed in deeply.  _ A second chance _ , he thought. He hadn’t driven Dimitri away yet. Dimitri was still willing to share, still willing to be vulnerable. 

Felix squeezed Dimitri’s hand gently, a silent gesture of encouragement he would not be able to manage with words. Dimitri squeezed back in acknowledgement, and braced himself to continue. 

_ Don’t fuck it up this time _ , Felix thought to himself viciously.  _ Shut your mouth and listen.  _

“After Duscur... I lost almost everyone else who occupied my heart the way you did. And then... at the rebellion... I lost you too. But unlike everyone else, you remained within reach. At least, once we reunited at the Academy.”

“Suddenly the physical distance of those years in between was no excuse, and I... it became very clear that the relationship we once had no longer existed. I had to confront that I was no longer in the center... nay, not even in the periphery of your affections.” 

“So each... each time I witnessed you bestowing your affection - which had become such a rare precious thing, not at all like in our youth - watched you bestow it on someone else, on someone that was not me… Yes, I was envious, miserable with envy. And any attention you gave me, scornful or not, I cherished.”

The words fell past Felix’s lips before he could even help it. As always. 

“That’s… this is so… so pathetic.” 

Dimitri went rigid. 

...Great fucking job not fucking it up, Felix. 

“I know - ”

“Shut up,” Felix ground out, “that’s not what I meant.” Clenching at Dimitri’s hand so tightly, his knuckles whitened and Dimitri winced before Felix hurriedly lessened his grip. “Shit, sorry. I mean - Give me a minute,” Felix choked out. ”Please, give just me a minute. I need to… I need to think. You know I need to - ”

“Yes, of course, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Felix mumbled, “I should’ve stopped myself in the first place. Got… got carried away. Just gimme a second okay?” 

Dimitri swallowed then nodded, still tensed but relaxing slightly. After a moment, he’d begun to rub his thumb gently across Felix’s knuckles. The sensation was grounding, a reminder that Dimitri was giving him the time Felix needed. 

Felix heaved a sigh, half in relief, half at the awkwardness lingering between them as he searched for the words to pin down whatever it was that he was feeling. 

_ Deep breath first, calm yourself. Reflect on what has been said. Does it actually make you angry, or are you just confused or distressed? Tell them specifically what you feel, don’t expect them to know. Do not make assumptions.  _

“I… I’m sorry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry, Dimitri. I am not angry at you. I’m just… trying to understand,” just getting those words out, just seeing those broad shoulders slope downwards, the warm squeeze of the hand wrapped in his own - okay, he was on the right track.

“I don’t understand and that’s why it seems like I’m… angry. It came out wrong.” 

Felix took another breath then, and shifted to his left to bump his shoulder with the one next to it. Dimitri inclined his head towards Felix, smiled down softly at his lover. Felix couldn’t help but smile reflexively back before frowning, wanting nothing more than to look away, to stare at the worn wood floor at their feet, but he forced himself to maintain eye contact. 

“I started this whole conversation wrong, and then I just… didn’t handle it well. Fuck,  _ I mean _ I was… I was  _ terrible _ to you. We’ve talked about this. You shouldn’t have…”

The words trailed off along with his thoughts, the concern that rose in his throat blocking any attempt to elaborate further. Dimitri met him halfway, lips twisted in a frown - not at Felix, but at himself. Those distinctions were always easy to make with Dimitri - his were so unlike Felix’s own expressions, physical or verbal. 

“I shouldn’t have been happy you were giving me attention even when it was negative?” 

Felix gave a jerky nod in response, and gave into the urge to tug Dimitri’s intertwined hand into his lap. A flash of a smile appeared on Dimitri’s face at the gesture, but it was a weak one, something akin to sadness and embarrassment overtaking his features. 

“Yes, I am aware of that, now. I was seventeen.”

Felix tensed at that, gave an instinctive tug on Dimitri’s arm and crowded into his space, ignoring the widening of Dimitri’s eye.

“We were,” his voice was firm, insistent: “ _ We _ were seventeen.” 

Dimitri blinked, jaw dropping slightly before he gave a huff of agreement - or amusement, Felix wasn’t quite sure.

“When I said - when I said pathetic... I didn’t really… yes I meant you, but I really meant  _ us _ .”

“Us?”

“Dimitri, don’t play a fool,” Felix cut himself off, restarting with a softer tone, “I mean,I think it is very obvious that you were not the only one who was jealous, that was my… that was my stupidity long before yours.”

“You were jealous of Dedue.”

“Of course I was jealous of Dedue.” It was somewhere between a grumble and a sigh of exasperation, and Felix couldn’t help the wince at how childish he sounded. He took a moment, looking away from Dimitri to collect himself. He decided if he was going to scrape himself bare like this, he could indulge in breaking eye contact for a bit. He’d gotten the apology through, hadn’t broken eye contact the entire time - he could… he could give himself this much protection if he was going to talk about this… about something so  _ shameful _ . 

“I did everything I could to push you away, to make you hurt as much as you had hurt me and yet I was still… still so,  _ so _ angry that it felt like every part of you beyond reach for me was well within his. As if I wasn’t the one that put you at such a distance in the first place.”

“I knew you were jealous of him following the Tragedy… but I did not realize it… continued.”

“He was the one that brought you back. I don’t think that even my father could’ve done that if Dedue hadn’t returned first. So yes, it continued.”

Dimitri opened his mouth as if to protest at first, as if any word diminishing the role Rodrigue played in his redemption needed to be countered immediately - but the even look Felix gave him made him bite back whatever it was he felt tempted to say. He knew the truth too, and he wouldn’t do Rodrigue’s memory a disservice by lying. 

“Are you still...?”

“No, no. The thing about him coming back, I didn’t - I didn’t say that right. I was jealous, but not as I had once been. Maybe I wasn’t even jealous, I just… I guess it was just another thing that I wanted to be me. But I was so… so happy that you were getting better that I guess I was more grateful than jealous. I wasn’t resentful towards him, more towards myself. All those years I spent looking for you, watching over you, and I was never capable of…”

A pained noise came from beside him and Felix stiffened: “It doesn’t matter anymore,” he snapped, waving off Dimitri’s immediate urge to protest, to sing his praises, whatever it was he felt inclined to do when Felix admitted to the truth of his flaws. 

“After everything… he was there for you when I wasn’t. I can’t change that, but I can change how I feel about it. We were pathetic because we wasted so much time being jealous of others and wanting the same thing and the only ones standing in our way were our own damn selves.”

“That is… that is not true. We need to remember that is not true, Felix.”

“Professor keeps saying it’s not our fault, but sometimes it just…” 

“I know,” Dimitri sighed, “I know. I must say, sometimes even more bitter than the loss of the love of my father, my stepmother, and Glenn... was the loss of yours, because it feels like I had no one to blame but myself. It was I that drove you away. And so as I cursed the hands that took away my family from me, I cursed my own.” 

Felix played with Dimitri’s fingers in his lap, massaging them as he tried to steady his breathing before letting out a huff, “See, when you say it, then I get angry and side with the Professor. That it was your madness and that none of us knew what to do about it. ”

_ “It is so much easier to be kinder to others than to ourselves _ ,” Dimitri quoted, and whether the deadpan tone imitating the professor was intentional or not was unclear. It was a pretty terrible impression either way. 

“They’re going to be overjoyed to hear their lessons are working.” 

They sat in silence for a while. 

“I’m tired,” Felix grumbled, “Not talking about your feelings is so much less exhausting.”

At that, Dimitri let out an amused chuckle laced with relief at the return of Felix’s good humor - if it could be called that, “Nearly a decade of our relationship shows that is definitely not true.”

“Shut up.” 

Dimitri snickered, then grew contemplative. 

“How... how did it make you feel, in the bar?”

“I feel like... I feel like I should’ve hated it,” Felix scowled, “but I didn’t.” 

“...you didn’t?”

“No. It was… more fun than just telling him to fuck off.”

Dimitri laughed then, throwing his head back and tugging Felix fully up against his side to press a kiss to his crown. They sat like that for several minutes in silence, reflecting on what they had said and what had been shared. 

In that time, Felix got an idea. A truly terrible idea. Abysmal, really, but this whole relationship from the start had been a terrible, abysmal idea, so why not try it? 

“I want to try something.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s staying in this inn.”

“Who?”

“The guy who hit on me. You know, the one that you ravaged me in front of.”

“What? What does he - what - what does that have to do with -” he sputters. “Ravaged is a  _ strong _ word - ”

“Make him hear.”

“Make him hear?”

“How much I love you. How much you love me - make him jealous, Dimitri. Fuck me and make him hear it.”

“What in the name of the Goddess are you - ”

“Would it make you feel better?”

“Would it make  _ me _ feel better?”

“Yes.”

“Would it make  _ you _ feel better?”

“I asked first.”

“I really do not understand…”

“There’s nothing to be jealous of anymore. There wasn’t really anything to be jealous of in the first place. If we weren’t so fucked up by everything else we wouldn’t have… I think…”

“You want us to… you want to make someone else jealous. To reassure ourselves that there is nothing for us to be jealous of anymore. That does not seem… ethical.”

“Dimitri we’ll just be giving some merchant a stiff dick with no one to relieve it but himself. Not exactly the worst thing either of us have ever done. We’re doing him a favor, really.”

“Now we’re doing him a favor.”

“I’m yours. You’re mine. Prove it.” 

The final words were said with such confidence, with all of the bluster he could manage, that he felt the surety of it drain out of him almost immediately. He deflated to rest against Dimitri’s chest. They had maintained eye contact throughout the exchange, Felix determined to persuade Dimitri of this plan no matter how foolhardy it was, but why...? Why was he so… 

Right. 

“Let my actions speak where my words cannot,” he finally admitted, face tucked into Dimitri’s neck, cheeks hot and breath hitching at the end, “if you would like.”

Dimitri’s eyes widened, expression softening. It was an olive branch that Felix was extending, not a challenge. How very Felix that the two would almost seem interchangeable. 

For the first time since Felix suggested such a preposterous act, Dimitri looked at Felix, really looked at him. His fists clenched in his lap, blush - not from anger, but embarrassment - high on his cheeks, looking anywhere but Dimitri’s face. He was nervous, and despite his insistence, it was clear the suggestion was as ridiculous to him as it was to Dimitri. But Felix was trying, he was trying so hard for them, so - 

“Okay. I cannot see a reason why to not try.”

Felix let out a poorly concealed sigh of relief, and Dimitri let a smile tug at his lips. 

It was awkward at first, stilted, falling into each other after exchanging such vulnerable words. It was getting better with each month that passed, each obstacle in their relationship they surmounted. This would be another bump in a long road, of that both were sure, but that did not lessen the hesitance and residual discomfort in the moment. 

No words were exchanged for the next few minutes, not as shirts were discarded and Felix made himself at home on Dimitri’s lap as he had on so many nights. It seemed as if silence was the safer bet now, and their actions far more capable of expressing their true sentiments than their fumbling of language. But Felix’s regrets from earlier lingered, despite the relief that Dimitri had agreed to his completely ridiculous plan, and so Felix spent several minutes debating hiw best course of action beyond sucking bruises into the soft curve of Dimitri’s neck. 

The answer was obvious, as it always was, and took Felix time to reach it, as it always did. Honesty, Felix, honesty. 

“Does it make you happy to know no one else has ever had me like this?” 

The question falls past Felix’s lips with the hitch of his breath as Dimitri traces the curve of one of his pectorals and thumbs his nipple consideringly. Dimitri gives a quiet intake of breath, but does not answer. It is clear Felix has more to say. 

“It makes me happy that I was your first. Your only,” Felix whispered, dragging his fingertips down the jut of Dimitri’s jaw, tilting his face up for a kiss. Dimitri’s lashes fluttered closed, the man himself thrilling at the tug of Felix’s teeth on his bottom lip and those words settling under his skin. 

Dimitri swallowed once they'd pulled apart, raising his hand to keep Felix’s pressed to his cheek. 

“When we first laid together... before you told me it was also your first time being with someone else. I... I had assumed that you had, at some point...”

“What, fucked Sylvain?”

Dimitri spluttered and laughed. “Maybe? I don’t know. Felix... you are... incomparable in your beauty,” he said awed, a little breathless in a way that made Felix squirm in embarrassment as Dimitri tucked a wayward strand of hair behind his ear.

“I’ve heard my personality doesn’t compare,” Felix choked out, ducking the compliment the best he could. He does not take them well on anything but his swordplay, even after all this time. 

Dimitri just chuckled, dropping his hand to trail his nails down the slope of Felix’s spine, making the other man instinctively arch into what little space was left between them. He rested that broad hand at the dip of his lover’s back, just the last two of his fingers teasing beneath his smalls. He put pressure there, finally closing the gap between them, pushing their chests up against each other and tucking his face into the curve of Felix’s neck. 

He let the heat of his breath wash over Felix’s skin, quietly marveling at the goosebumps that rose across the pale flesh, and the shiver that ran through the smaller man. 

The warmth shared between them was intoxicating, more comforting and encompassing than any bed Dimitri had ever fallen into or embrace he’d ever shared. 

Dimitri always grew more confident with each touch they shared, Felix so much more honest physically than verbally. But now that Felix was making an effort also with his words… the lingering doubts and embarrassment that still rested upon his shoulders from their previous discussion became dislodged, precarious. 

In time, and with Felix’s continued efforts, Dimitri would forget they’d had any weight at all.

“When you told me I was your first… when your hands were shaking as you unlaced my britches... I was ecstatic. That no matter what happened between us in the past or future, that part of you would always be...”

“Yours.”

“Yes. Yes. Is that wrong, after everything we’ve said, everything we’ve admitted to - is it wrong that the thought of that... your first time, being touched so intimately, someone else bringing you pleasure - that it was mine, and mine alone?” 

“It thrills me, Felix, when I catch you tugging at your turtleneck to hide kiss marks or when... when the truth of our activities can be perceived from your gait.” 

“Is it wrong how much pleasure that brings me, how I want... I want you to... enjoy being wanted by me, being with me, so much so there is proof long after?” 

Felix breathed out shakily.

“You like it that much?”

“Yes,” the sincerity outweighed the guilt.

“I’ve thought about...” Felix swallowed… “That time when you took me in the armory.”

“Yes?”

“I thought about if... if someone had walked in.”

“We locked the door so that wouldn’t happen.”

Felix rolls his eyes. 

“I know. The point is I wouldn’t have minded,” Felix hissed, going a little wild eyed. Then, “In that moment I really thought, good, _ good _ if someone sees. All they’ll see is how much you want me, that you couldn’t wait after training, that you just took me against the wall where anyone could - could - “

Felix cut himself off. 

“I liked it.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh.”   
  


* * *

“Feels good, feels so good, oh - oh Dimitri, shit yes, do - do that again - “

Dimitri moaned, gently rolling Felix’s balls between his fingers as he took Felix deeper into his mouth, closing his eyes in satisfaction. There is probably no one in all of Fodlan who would guess that the King of the entire continent’s favorite place to be was on his knees with a cock in his mouth. Felix would eventually be the first, Dimitri was sure, but he was still coming to terms with it even as he bucked his hips and begged for more. 

“Please, fuck, just - ah yeah,” Felix groaned as Dimitri accomodated the roll of his hips, the push of his cock deeper into that wet heat, pushing up the tight muscles of his throat. 

“You really love this…”

The hummed affirmative around his dick was all Felix needed, but Dimitri pulled off to give him an enthusiastic ‘yes’ through a cough. Dimitri swapped his mouth for his hand, marveling at the feel of his own saliva and Felix’s precum smoothing the way. He slid his tongue along the slit, lapping contentedly in the fluids there and basking in Felix’s responding moan. The truth was, it was not so much about having a dick in his mouth or the vulnerability of the position. It was about this - 

“Fuck don’t understand how - shit, Dimitri gimme your mouth - please, again - so good - ” 

\- for all their communication issues, for every time Felix couldn't find the words because he fixated on one thing and disregarded the rest, Felix had no trouble when his cock was in Dimitri’s throat and his hand fisted in blond hair. Felix was not intentionally like this, and used to try with all his might to stifle any sound of pleasure, any vulnerability. But the thing was… they were both so incredibly  _ inexperienced _ . Virginal, in Sylvain’s words. Touch-deprived in Mercie’s. Any level of pleasure for either of them could be quite overwhelming, breaking past their defenses. 

Dimitri figured now would be a good time as any to try this out. 

“You talked about the armory, about not minding getting caught...“

Dimitri took Felix into his mouth again, hollowing his cheeks and suckling at the head, laving over the tip and making Felix go cross eyed. Dimitri hummed in amusement. 

“Ye- yes, yes, what, what about it. Fuck you’re so - “

Dimitri pulled off, grinning and licking his lips, “I think... I think I would not mind... no... no I would probably enjoy someone seeing me servicing you like this. Seeing me on my knees... with your cock in my mouth. I think I would like that,” he whispers as if it’s a secret, as if he had not already confessed to it. 

It was quite a transition for the pair to go from no physical intimacy for about a decade, to reintroducing physical, and now sexual intimacy. As a result, there is usually a level of hesitancy and gentleness to their actions. The way Felix reached for Dimitri with one hand while biting the knuckles of his other, sinking his fingers into thick golden hair and tugging, pulling Dimitri down onto his cock - there was no hesitation, no gentleness. Dimitri had never felt so wanted, so desired before in his life. He took in Felix like it was a joy, and the broken whimper of his name he received in return, the best reward he could’ve dreamt of. 

The obnoxiously loud moans from earlier, the loud cursing and praising his name to the Goddess above — that was for their sake. 

But this: Felix’s back arched clear off of the bed, hands scrabbling at the headboard for purchase, the little soft whimpers, sweet and precious that make Dimitri’s cock ache - this was for  _ him _ . This Felix was all his. This was a Felix they would never experience, that  _ no one else _ has or would ever see. 

Perhaps Dimitri was a little possessive, but as Felix deliriously whispered his name, shoving his dick as far down Dimitri’s throat as it could go, making him choke, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Felix went lax as he came, Dimitri gagging on the rush of fluid down his throat, but doing his best to greedily swallow it down even as it spilled past his lips. 

Dimitri was licking his hand clean after rubbing down the underside of his chin and taking in shuddering breaths when Felix hauled him up and into his arms, blabbering all the while. 

“Dimitri - fuck, fuck, I want that, I want that, want them to see how much you — “ a kiss to Dimitri’s cheek, the tip of his nose, “ I get it now, I get it,” Felix laughed, cheeks flushed and hands everywhere on Dimitri, clutching his shoulder, tracing over his pecs, grasping loosely at his aching cock. 

“I want them to be jealous too,” Felix said dazedly in surprise, “that you’re mine. That after everything you’re - you’re still mine.”

“Yeah?” Dimitri said, eyes searching desperately, “Felix you - when I saw him at the bar, saw him leaning into your space I didn’t want to just kiss you, I wanted - wanted to grab at you, wrap my hands around your thighs and lift you onto the bar in front of him and show him, show him he has… has  _ no chance _ . _ ” _

Felix laughed, clapping his hands over his mouth, “You’re ridiculous. You’re absolutely fucking ridiculous.”

“And now I know you love it.”

“Dimitri.”

“Hm?”

“Fuck me.” 

* * *

It’s such an odd thing to enjoy, Dimitri thought, or rather assumed, since he knew so little of popular opinions regarding sex. 

But, pressing his palm against the base of Felix’s spine and sliding against it, pushing him down into the mattress, forcing the smaller’s back to arch gorgeously — it truly is one of his life’s most perfect and simple pleasures. Feeling the slide of sweat against his skin, the curve of each vertebrae, and then, the delicate nape of his neck and the sweat soaked strands stuck there.

It really was only a sweet addition that the angle was incredible, Felix taking him all the way in, tight and hot and welcoming and  _ his _ . 

Felix moaned, high and breathy and begged for it, begged for more. He shifted his head from being buried in the pillow to his profile, letting the sounds fall freely from his lips as he choked on each breath, each thrust, and gave Dimitri the most luxurious view of scarlet cheeks and an amber eye shining with tears and straining to stay open. 

Dimitri couldn’t resist. He ruined the smooth pace he had set by sharply thrusting in just to watch Felix’s mouth fall open on a delicate cry, his eye screwing up in pleasure and the wetness spilling over. Dimitri pressed his body in full against the man beneath him, wrapping a hand around his dripping cock and used the other to brush away the hair from the arch of his neck. 

Dimitri laved his tongue over Felix’s pulse point, tugged at his earlobe with the catch of his teeth, and rumbled into his ear: “I want them to know - I want them to know that out everyone in this world, you could have chosen anyone and you chose me, Felix. You have always chosen  _ me _ .”

* * *

“We’re taking a detour on the way back.”

“A detour?”

“Innkeep said there’s miller about an hour from here who makes specialty flours or something. I’m going to place an order to have delivered. Probably going to buy out their whole damn stock. May I should just buy the place itself.””

“May I ask why?”

“You know why.” 

“I assume you are referring to - “

“Yes. Dedue. It’s for Dedue. Stop looking at me like that.” 

“I believe that’s a very good idea, Felix. But don’t forget to use your - “

“Words. Yes, I know. Use my words… I’ll… I’ll write him a letter too.”

“Good. I’m proud of you, Felix. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Should’ve done it before. Now, let’s get the fuck out of here. Damn innkeep asked if I got mauled by a bear last night.” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! & thanks again crow!! 
> 
> HUGE HUGE thank you to V (@bumblevetr on twitter) for beta-ing this and fixing my godawful tenses. You're a live saver!!! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. I had fun playing w Felix POV & some of the tactics I think he should/would learn to improve his interpersonal communication skills LOL also letting Dimitri go a little wild, as a treat
> 
> comments are much much much MUCH appreciated, especially in these times. come chat with me on twitter @cntrlvaneau!


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